28/11/2025
Christmas can be a time of joy, celebration, and the chance to spend time with your children. But if you are a separated parent and child arrangements are already uneasy, the festive period can cause further conflict and worry. Our family lawyers regularly support parents in these situations and often hear worries like: What if we cannot agree on where the children will be? What if plans keep changing? What if my ex refuses contact altogether?
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Child contact disputes around arrangements for Christmas and the extended holidays are common, especially when emotions are running high. The important thing is to focus on practical steps that protect your child’s wellbeing and reduce the chance of last-minute conflict.
In this blog, our family law team provides a few steps to avoid conflict and the different approaches if you are heading that way.
Arrangements for Christmas Holidays - Start with the Basics
Keeping your child at the centre
Sometimes, what seems fair to you might not be right for the child.
In law, the child’s welfare comes first. That sounds obvious, but it is worth saying out loud in the middle of a disagreement. If there is a dispute, courts and professionals will always ask: What arrangement best supports the child’s needs, routine, and sense of security? - Cafcass
If you frame discussions around that, rather than what feels “fair” to you as an adult, you are more likely to find common ground and find the right balance for you, your ex-partner, and your child.
Are There Arrangements Already in Place?
Before making new arrangements, look at what you already have in place. For example, is there:
- a written parenting plan
- a consent order
- a Child Arrangements Order
If there is an order already in place, you will be expected to follow it unless you both agree to vary it. If one parent is ignoring it, that is a different issue, and you may need advice quickly. Speak with our specialist child arrangement solicitors for specific advice: Child Contact Arrangement Solicitors.
What Happens If We Can’t Agree?
If a contact agreement feels impossible, try these steps:
1. Try a calm, early reset
If conversations with your ex-partner have become tense, sometimes a simple reset can help. Suggest a short call or message that sticks to three points:
- What the children are doing for the school holidays.
- When handovers could realistically happen.
- How can you both give the kids a settled Christmas.
Where possible, start planning early to reduce pressure and help your children feel more settled by understanding their routine.
2. Try being flexible and offer a couple of workable options
Instead of asking the other parent, “What do you want to do?”, try offering options you could live with. For example:
- Splitting the day if possible. Could the children spend Christmas Eve to Christmas morning with one parent, then spend Christmas afternoon to Boxing Day with the other? The following year, this could alternate, so it seems fair.
- Split the school break into two blocks and alternate each year.
- Celebrate “your Christmas Day” on another date if that keeps things calm.
Giving choices helps the conversation move from argument to problem-solving.
3. Put it in writing
Even a friendly agreement should be written down, so you both know where you stand. It does not need to be formal. A clear email or message confirming dates and handover times can prevent “misunderstandings” later.
If arrangements change each year, some parents find a more structured parenting plan useful. A solicitor can help you set that out in a way that makes future Christmases easier.
4. Consider family mediation
If you are unable to reach an agreement or are finding it hard to communicate without conflict, mediation can help. A trained family mediator stays neutral and helps you work through child arrangements in a focused way. There is legal aid available in some circumstances and also a government voucher scheme that can contribute towards mediation costs for child issues. Some Greater Manchester and Cheshire providers already take part - Manchester & Cheshire Mediation.
Mediation is not about forcing you to agree. It is about getting you both to a place where a workable plan is actually possible.
5. Know when legal advice is needed
If you have concerns about reaching an agreement, and before things escalate, it is sensible to speak to a family solicitor if:
- Your ex is refusing contact entirely.
- You are worried about your child’s safety or wellbeing.
- You suspect the other parent will not stick to an agreement.
- Christmas is close, and nothing has been agreed upon.
Early advice can stop a stressful situation from turning into a crisis.
What if your ex still will not agree?
If it isn’t possible to reach an agreement, or your discussions breakdown, we can help. At Russell & Russell, our family lawyers support the Resolution Code of Practice and are trained to de-escalate conflict, seek collaborative solutions, and to maintain the long-term wellbeing of the family in focus. We can support you by using our negotiation skills to bring about a mutual agreement that both sides are comfortable with. This process begins by corresponding with your ex in writing, outlining your proposals and can also be followed by telephone conversations. If necessary, we can also make a referral for mediation on your behalf.
Applying to court
If negotiations/mediation prove unsuccessful, it may be necessary to issue an application to the court. The court will first consider the child’s welfare and can set out exactly when the children are to spend time with each parent over Christmas and the wider holidays.
If you regularly spend time with your children, an application for a Specific Issue Order will be appropriate. This is an application to determine a stand-alone issue, such as Easter or Christmas.
If you’re not spending any time with your children, it’s probably best to issue an application for a Child Arrangements Order, which can incorporate a provision in respect of any holiday arrangements.
This is not a step anyone wants to take lightly. But when a child is caught in an ongoing conflict, it can be the clearest way forward. It is important to remember that the Court will expect you to have tried to resolve the issue without the need for court intervention first. Given the pressures on the Court system it is only in the most serious of circumstances that you are likely to secure a court hearing before Christmas 2025, but our team of solicitors will be able to advise you on all of the options available to you.
Local support that may help
Alongside legal advice, some parents and children benefit from practical co-parenting support. Below are some local support groups and helpful resources:
- Bolton Council – Relationships Matter: local support and courses aimed at strengthening family relationships and reducing parental conflict.
- Raise The Youth Foundation: a directory of local services for parents and carers, including support around separation and family wellbeing. Raise The Youth Foundation.
- Cafcass – support for child arrangements: explains how child arrangements work and what help is available when parents cannot agree. Cafcass.
Child Arrangement Solicitors
If child arrangements for the Christmas holidays are causing distress, it is usually a sign that the wider arrangement needs attention. While we would always advocate that child arrangements are made amicably, there may be times when a family law solicitor needs to be involved. Seeking professional advice early on can help make life calmer for everyone, especially for your children.
If you would like advice tailored to your situation, Russell & Russell’s family team can help you understand your options and take practical steps towards a fair, child-focused plan. They support parents across Bolton, Horwich, Farnworth, Bury, and the wider Greater Manchester area.
Please contact our family law team on 0800 103 2600 or make an online enquiry and someone will get back in touch.
And, if you have an emergency situation, you can contact us out of office hours on our 24 hour helpline.
Please note that this article is meant as general guidance and not intended as legal or professional advice. Updates to the law may have changed since this article was published.