Christmas Contact

Spending time with your children this Christmas

With Christmas almost upon us, spending time with your children is likely to be at the forefront of your mind. The festive period can be a difficult time for the children of separated or divorced couples. If you’ve not already started to discuss arrangements, now's the time to start thinking about it, so everyone can have a Merry Christmas.

• I regularly spend time with my children, so can I see them over Christmas?

  If you’ve already got an arrangement / order in place which allows you to spend time with your children on a regular basis, it’s sensible to assume that you’ll be able to spend some time with them during the festive period. Where and how much time that will be depends on the terms of what your usual arrangements are.

  If it’s not possible for you and your ex to spend Christmas Day together with your children, they’ll probably be more than happy to have two Christmas Eves and two Christmas Days. What counts is that they don’t pay the price of their parents’ separation.

• I don’t currently spend time with my children, so will I be able to see them over Christmas?

  The law takes the general view that a child has a right to know both their parents and should, therefore, be able to spend time with both, unless there are serious reasons not to allow it.

  If you’re the children’s biological parent and you’ve had little or no previous contact, you’ll need to introduce time gradually and may need to get a Child Arrangements Order, which can be obtained from Court. The process often starts by working with your solicitor to try to agree contact with your children via ‘soft’ approach negotiations with your ex-partner. It can take time to come to a mutual agreement, but once settled it will set out clear arrangements of when and how you can have contact with your children. This process also applies to people who aren’t parents and want to see the children, such as grandparents, blood relatives and step parents. If this isn’t possible, the Court may need to become involved.

• When should I discuss Christmas arrangements?

  Trying to divide up your children’s time over the holidays can be tricky so make sure you discuss arrangements well in advance. Deciding who they’re going to spend Christmas Day with could be an emotional and potentially frustrating conversation, but knowing when you will have them will enable you to plan constructively.

  Make the children’s welfare the focus of the conversation with your ex. Will the kids feel unsettled if they spend Christmas being driven around and swapped between parents? Discuss what you want calmly and rationally and be prepared to listen to what your ex wants. Even if you don’t agree with them, at the end of the day you both have the same goal; what’s best for your children.

  If it isn’t possible to reach an agreement, or your discussions breakdown, we can help. As members of Resolution we can support you by using our negotiation skills to bring about a mutual agreement that both sides are comfortable with. This process begins by corresponding with your ex in writing, outlining your proposals and can also be followed by telephone conversations. If necessary, we can also make a referral for mediation on your behalf.

• When would an application to the Court be necessary?

  If negotiations / mediation prove unsuccessful, it may be necessary to issue an application to the Court.

  If you regularly spend time with your children, an application for a Specific Issue Order will be appropriate. This is an application to determine a stand-alone issue, such as Christmas.

  If you’re not spending any time with your children, it’s probably best to issue an application for a Child Arrangements Order which can incorporate a provision in respect of any Christmas arrangements.

  It’s important that you instruct a family solicitor sooner rather than later to discuss your options. The Court usually provides a date for a first hearing, six weeks from issuing the application. 

• What will the Court consider when making a decision relating to contact?

  The Court will make its decision based on a number of factors, but its most important consideration is the welfare of the children and that will always come first.

• What’s a reasonable proposal for contact over Christmas?

  This will vary depending on a number of factors, but it’s important to remember that it’s about your children, not you so their interests, wishes and feelings come first. Make your arrangements sensible and child focussed – using the children to get back at your ex by clouding the situation with arguments and tension will only result in it becoming a difficult and troublesome time for them.

• What about gifts and cards?

  Contact isn’t just about actual physical and direct contact, it also includes things like sending cards and gifts. If you’re unable to agree direct contact with your children during the festive period, an alternative may be to suggest sending cards and gifts so your children know that you’re thinking of them.

• How much does it cost? Can I get Legal Aid?

  Legal Aid is still available in respect of family matters, however, it’s limited to individuals who are able to demonstrate that they’ve been a victim of domestic abuse within the last five years, and that the instigator of the abuse was the other party. Legal Aid eligibility is also subject to a full means assessment. We offer a free initial telephone consultation in which we can offer you further information in respect of the process and costs.

  For a more specific discussion about your circumstances, we offer a half hour appointment for a small fixed fee. We also offer competitive private rates, which include unbundled services that can be tailored to meet your needs and budget if you need additional help.

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